Another sleepless night :(

Is 2.50am right now, and i still awake :( i tried to sleep but i couldn't get into sleep and im supposing to wake up at 7am in the morning later.

Im not feelings well just now bcos of the flu and i should rest more, but my mind is keep on appearing of alot of images which is kinda abstract and i dunno what is that. Flu is better ald, but im still not feelings well, i have breathing problem now :( and it seem like something is going wrong with my heart now, the beating is not consistent, i feel like my hand and finger is shaking...what happen to me??

I was so sleepy this afternoon during the workshop, but i cant get into sleep now :(

Wondering is it im having a serious pressure and that cause me insomnia and also some physically mentally disturbance?

Merry Christmas

HoHoHo~Christmas is coming!!!! The Christmas atmosphere is in the air and shopping mall had decorated unique theme for this lovely and peaceful Christmas :)

Beautiful Christmas tree, Christmas carols, and pressie...

I wish to visit all the shopping mall at here just to see the decoration and let myself be pampered in the atmosphere and the Christmas carols, but.... Last year i had decided to spend my Christmas in KL, but end up i will be in Malacca during Christmas due to some reason :(

Dear Santa, can u see that im hanging my socks in my room? Look carefully there is a note that i had written down inside the socks, and that is my wish for this Christmas. I never had any Christmas wish before, and this is the first time i make a Christmas wish...

Dear Santa, im waiting u to make my dream and wish come true...

-Untitle-

Since when i lost my smile, a smile that is truly come from my heart. I force myself to smile but deep in my heart there is a trouble and sadness. Im feel stressful on everything and the life... i dunno where should i go, and who can i rely on.

Im having my semester break now, but i dun feel any joy like i used to have before. I dunno where should i go for this holidays, i dun feel like going back Malacca and i dun feel like staying in KL as well! This is the first time i refuse to go back to my refuge, it was a place for me to hide and to protect me, but i dun feel safe in the refuge anymore, it had become unfamiliar to me. And here-PJ is not a place that belong to me...I wish to go somewhere else, a place that no one know me and unable to contact me~ i need to breath~

I started to realise alot of changes...and even myself...I feel tired! Where is the happiness? Where is the peace? Where is my smile??

No one will realise that im forcing myself to smile, no one will understand how i feel...

I started to feel alot of insecurities and stress! Im so scare... There is no place for me to hide, to hope for, and to rely on...Im alone...all by myself....

Rubbish

Last week i went back to Malacca for my study week, and while im doing revision, i saw "something" that displaying in my grandma antique cupboard, and i guess that things had been display for years.Im kinda surprise to see this thing which is still keeping in the cupboard. OMG!!! The next trip when i get back to Malacca i have to throw it away. The stars that i had folded and the short note that i had attached inside there, it seem like a crap to me! Hmm, i guess i was still young during that time and doing the rubbish thing! Haha...No more memories, no more stars, and no more as a friend!!!

And this bottle of sand which is content of the white sand and black sand that i had brought back from Pulau Langkawi last two years ago. All this while i love beach so much, i like to bare my feet walk on the smooth and soft sand. Wear thin outfit which can let the wind blow on my dress that will make me feel like an angel~And the waves from the ocean is dancing under my feet :) Island is always my favourite...the nature, the blues, the fish... Im started to recalled back those memories...i wish i never been to those places, and i keep on cheating to myself. But i knew that the memories is still keeping deep in my mind. I wish i have a "DELETE" button that can erase alot of things....but i only have this button on my key board, LOL!!!


And lastly this bottle of "xiang si dou" (seed of missing someone). That is the name of this reddish seeds, and i still figuring why people got the name for this seeds...?? Hmm, i had been keeping this seeds for more than two years i guess, and i still remember i collected it at somewhere around my house in PJ. I never collect so much of this seeds before, and i dunno the total amount of it. Im not collecting it for the sake of missing someone, just for fun! And to the person that collect this with me, thanks for the memories that u had given to me, but i still prefer that i never met u in my life!!!

Recently My Favourite Dishes

Recently i "fall in love" with this dishes, Tomato cooked with Onion! Hmm, i just love it~ the taste is abit sour, i guess because of the vinegar. p/s: cooked by juan :)

And also this, Pork cooked with "taupok". Yummy~ Mum purposely cooked for me and i guess i have to eat more pork and chicken to gain weight :)

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Yesterday i went to KLCC alone, and that was the first time i went there alone. At first i was afraid that i will lost, but luckily i still can recognise the way. There is a huge Christmas tress in the middle of the mall, damn tall and huge~:)

Actually i wanted to go Mid Valley but i heard that KLCC is having Pc Fair, so i changed my plan, by the way i never been to any Pc Fair that held in KL, so i had decided to go there. Just like what i expect, damn many people! Hmm, luckily im small size and able to squeeze with the crowd, hehe^^

After Pc Fair, actually i planned to go back home but still early so i went to Kinokuniya which is my favourite book store, actually i love all the book store in every mall. How i wish i have my own book store and placed it in my house, hmm...and i guess i need to have a BIG house, then make it like a library :) i had spent 2 hours sitting and read the three books that i had choose, "Women Men Love, Women Men Leave", "How to marry the man of your choice", "Men don't listen and women can't read maps". Opps, dun misunderstand and misjudge me by the title of the book especially the book "How to marry the man of your choice". Basically, the book didn't wrote about the strategy to get the man that you want, im interested with the content and not the title! And there is few sentences that i really attracted to:

-"Bitchy" women get the men, and women who give true unselfish love lose out.
-Don't waste your emotions on a man until you know he's worthy of you.
-Falling in love is not an endless stream of pleasant experiences.

Overall the book is talk about men! and there is still alot of sentences and articles that i like it, if i have RM150 i will buy all the three books, but i dun have RM150 with me, so forget about it je~

While ""Women Men Love, Women Men Leave", i agree with the sentences below:

-Women who felt neglected or unappreciated as children often showed love on a man in the hope that he will return it fully enough to erase their deep lingering sadness.
-We all justly expect support of our basic offer for security, partnership and affection.
-Keeping a relationship alive is an ongoing task. Men and women are equally responsible for what they do and what they fail to do.

Can u see the crowd from KLCC to Pc Fair, eventhu raining but still so many people. This photo is snapped from Kinokuniya :)

And this is my dinner, Laksa Nyonya Melaka. Actually i wanted to try other state laksa such as Laksa Johor, Laksa Sarawak....but at last i choosed Laksa Nyonya Melaka, im just curious about the taste. Not bad la...Rating 3/5

S.M.A.R.T.E.R goals

To create a SMARTER goals, u have to be Specific, Motivational, Actionable, Result-oriented, Time-bound, Ecology & Reasons.

You can achieve ur goal by make sure the goal u're working is something you really want, not just something that sound good! Some people will have imagination and tend to beautification the goal, but is that what they want to achieve??

To reach the goal, the first step is to specific what u want! I do specific on my goal, but somehow i neglected certain point...and until today i just realised that i had missed out the most important point, and can i go back to the very first step again??

I'm praying hard to resend the signal to the universe again so that i can get what i want, and will the miracle happen again?? Oh no!!! I cant have negative thought/emotion/feelings...or else the law of attraction wont work~Be strong and keep holding my positive thought and the universe will hear me :) I do experienced of this miracles before and i should continually believe it...

Hey universe, can u see what i want, can u hear that im whispering to u all my goals??

Smiley Moon

It happened on Monday 011208, Kuanru sms me and asked me to looked up on the sky, but too bad i see nothing from my balcony and the sky seem like reddish! I missed the smiley face on the sky :( but i got this pic from Erica, Thx ya!

I like this pic, the stars and the moon...it seem like so perfect~the smiley face on the sky...it look sweet and romantic :) People said that phenomena is the "chang-er" is smiling!!!! Hmm, i guess she met her lover up there~ Their love story is kinda sad, they separated apart...the distanced, the feelings of missing someone, and when u noe that u will never see the person again, it is really torturing!

I have a strange feelings since yesterday, and i noe im not suppose to have this kind of feelings...but somehow it keep playing in my mind! I guess the conflict wasn't solved yet, or i just thinking too much? I noe that it is non of my business, and that is nothing to do with me, but why i have this weird feelings? I dunwan to noe so much about it, and thx to someone kindness of telling me that, i do appreciate it but im much appreciate it if u keep that away from me, cos i rily dunwan to noe about it anymore!!! THANK YOU!!

I like the stars on the sky, and i guess im influenced by Erica...The stars will always on the sky and will never leave no matter how...For a long time i did not look at the stars in the sky.~When u'r busy with the daily life, please spend some time to look up on the sky and u will find that the nature beauty is on top of u, and the stars is shining on u~

Will u be my star that shine for me and stay with me forever?

The unfamiliar L-Word

Started to feel hopeless and helpless again~it seem like nothing in front there, there is nothing! The strong hope and believe that used to have seem like faded away...it left nothing. Where is the enjoyment that suppose to have?

i worries...i care...i hope...

and i just found that all these are just a superfluous! Im started to feel disappointed on it and the bad though is keep influencing my mind...it is so heartache to see that u dun work hard for a better understanding, improvement and changes... and just give up., unless u dun care about my existence in ur life. I really dunwan the same things happen again... I started to feel unfamiliar of everything...

I love u and therefore i want an improvement in the relationship...
I care about u and therefore im telling u how i feel...
I want eternity between us and therefore i work hard for it...
I hope the best for us and therefore i complaints and i want a better changes in life...
I need securities...

I dunwan stuck in the same circle again and again...

This is Life

My back is PAIN!!!! is damn painful!!! Yesterday Li ru send me to Mid Valley ktm station after the workshop, and u noe what, i had waited the STUPID ktm for almost two hours, summo i had missed two train bcos it was too packed till i dint managed to PUSH myself into the train!!! And after the third train came, i keep pushing myself to enter the ktm, it was so packed and i almost fainted inside there. HUNGRY+HEAVY BAG!!!! i almost give up my plan cos my back is really pain till i duno how to describe it...and i hate squeezing with so many PIGs!!!

Still Pain T.T

So those ppl who are driving and have their own vehicle, PLEASE DO NOT COMPLAINT SO MUCH!!! At least u r much more better than others, k? At least u r sitting in the car or motor bike. And for those is driving a car, at least u got air con and music accompany u all the way from work place to ur home. Althu the journey might be jammed, but at least u r not squeezing with others to get a place to STAND in the public transports! And not only that, while waiting for the public transport, those ppl have to STAND AND WAIT...and i can said that it is all the way standing from the place that u started to wait for ur public transport until ur destination!! And therefore those who have own vehicle please pity of others and do not complaint so much,k? Cos u'r much more fortunate than others...be grateful and appreciate what u have~

After attending the workshop, i realise alot of things! And i want CHANGES!!! I dunwan the same things happen all over again and i want improvement in my life and i want a bright future!!! I dunwan just sitting there and wasting my life and waiting the time to pass by doing nonsense things! Time would not wait for everyone, and opportunity will never wait for anyone as well! It is true that human will never satisfy, no matter how much do they earn, they will ASK FOR MORE!! And the more u earn, the more u will spend...and at last end up with ZERO~without any saving and assets! I dunwan this kind of life! Sometime people aware of this crisis, but too bad human are rebellious, they are aware but doesn't mean that they will take action. I believed that if u aware but u never take any action and that is zero in ur awareness!!!

There is alot of definition of smart people, some smart people they will grab the opportunities and act when they are aware. But some smart people they only know how to talk and never take any action, and that is really smart huh! And nowadays this world is realistic, money is everything! Who dun like money? I'm not saying im blindly and become realistic about money, but that is the truth that i had seen and experienced! money is always the issue, and sometime some people will calculate even one cent, and we are dealing with money everyday! The money that u spend for food, transportation, rental...that is only the basic things that some people have to spend for, and it is not included the entertainment expenses. And it is fortunate for certain people who is still staying with family and that rily save alot of their money but are you going to do this until forever and ignore the future?

Most of the time, we tend to said "we r still young, there is alot of time for us to do certain things...no need to worry about it first, everything will be fine..." And days by days, years by years delaying, at last u will realise that it is too late for everything ald, and when u keep saying that u will do it tommorrow, and your tommorow will never come. Please be aware and everything that other remind u is for ur own good and this is not a controlling intention, and please do not misunderstand it!

Most of the time, human fail to unlearn! They tend to said "i eat salt more than u eat rice", and they will stop u before u inform them about certain information. I guess human are inborn with such minded~wondering~Sometime it is good to keep quiet and absorb more information and unlearn of certain things, it is no harm to keep ur mouth shut up and just listen, instead of arguing about the knowledge. Perhaps some people are too ego and stubborn, they think they are correct most of the time.

hmm, i guess i stop here, is lunch time ^^ oh ya, there is no offend in my blog ya! Have a nice day ^^