"SPEAKER"

I had found a new "SPEAKER" in my daily life! And it really so annoying and it's really making me so pissed off! Since when i found this new speaker in my life huh?? Oh ya, since the day it started to disturbed my life and occupied my precious time!!!

And I don't understand why these kind of people tend to be so inconsiderate most of the time and don't they realised that what they did is damn annoying and have they come across that what if others do the same things to them, how do they feels?

Most of the time people don't think that way! And if they do, they won't be so inconsiderate lo,ok! PLEASE BEHAVE!!! PLEASE PUT YOURSELF IN OTHERS' SHOE BEFORE U DO SOMETHING,K!!!

Untitle life

Today i went to UTAR career fair and i can't stop thinking about my future during tutorial, and I'm so sorry to my tutorial group mate because i didn't focus on their presentation. I went to the career fair for the second time once my class end, and i can even skip my lunch just to visit the fair. There is alot of companies and alot of job opportunities that the companies offered, me and my friends was busy visited every booth to get more information and fill up our particular.

There is so much concern in my heart, and i feel helpless now...but no matter how i need to solve this by myself, i wish to get help from others, but who should i refer to? Some of the jobs that offered from the career fair is really attractive, but am i qualify to get the job? Hmm, no matter what i will still try to send in my application for the particular jobs.

I was in this dilemma since last year, and i know that there is no one can help me solve this, i have to face it all by myself. Suddenly i feel myself is so useless that I'm not able to make own decision, perhaps i afraid... I wish to be with my dearly family and sweet heart at the same time, and that is one of the reason that make me struggling and depress...

Last weekend i went back to Malacca, and every time once i got back to Malacca i don't feel like coming back to KL again :(

This is my new mini pillow sew by mama, so cute! For your information, all of the pillows in my house is sew by mama, even my baby pillows...I appreciate it so much and i feel so touch cos when i get back home i saw these pillow on my bed and Huea told me that i did asked mama to sew for me, but seriously i can't remember it, hehe! Too bad i forgot to bring it back to KL :(

Every time i got back to Malacca, my parents will definitely prepare delicious foods for me, they will prepare my favourite foods for me and i really have so much fun even just had a simple dinner with them. I wish to spend more time with my parents, every time got back home i see them are getting older day by day....i like to see the smile that they put on when me and Huea is around them. Last night Huea told me that she brought papa and mama out to dinner and have a walk at the Dataran Pahalawan and the garden nearby there, and suddenly i feel sad because i missed the happy moment with my family. Huea said mama is very happy and papa want to have a ride the Taming Sari one day...i don't want to miss every happy moment with my family, and i don't know how much time that we can spend for each others...

At the same time i wish to spend more time with my darling as well, i wish to have both of them beside me all the time, hmm...i know i sound like selfish but this is what i want :( There is always someone will cook for me supper, hehe! Thanks darling ^^

This is my babies hamster, i got three cute babies in my house now, and thanks to them cos they bring some joy to mama,LOL! And they are so cute and tiny...:) My first time to have hamster as pet :)

The colour of my heart

This is the second time i cried for this particular person...And finally i came to know the truth!I just realised that the person that i trusted all this while is wearing the mask all the time in front of me.

Perhaps i had trust the wrong person or maybe im too naif :(

All this while i showed my real self in front of this person, and i don't know that the response was so bad. It was my mistake that im too careless to observed everythings...

I felt very disappointed and the most important thing is im back to the reality where i had abandoned it for quite long and when i started to believe in miracle, i came to know the reality...

I really afraid that i will "sick" again when i had overcome it quite well now. But why when i started to believe the miracle, i found out the truth...

And i though that all of my wound had recover. But i was wrong! It hurt again, and no one know how deep is the scar in me, no one will ever understand how i feel...

I used to see the life in grey colour, the sky are grey, the people are in grey, everythings around me is in grey colour, i did see that...

I don't believed that there is any other colour in the life besides grey colour, but later i found some other interesting colour in my life.

I see rainbow!

But deep inside my heart, i knew that rainbow won't last long. And until now i still prefer black and white colour for most of the things, i see things in these two colour. Sometimes white sometime black...

I try to like others colour, and also try to buy things in other colour but...deep inside my heart there is only black and white...

I wish to fill in other colour in my heart, but can i do that?

Empathy & Sincerity

Less than two month I'm finishing my three year course, the time had passes so fast...and i know that some of my friends are going to further their study. I wish to further my study too, but i knew that i can't, due to some reason :(

Once again, our counseling lecturer asked us why we choose psychology course. This question had been ask since year one semester one, and now it reveal again.

Today Mr. Lee a counselor from Hospital Kuala Lumpur had given speech which is invited by Ms. Chee (counseling lecturer). He make me feel proud of being a psychology student, because we all do learned about empathy! Everyone know about psychology, but the different is how much do u know about psychology?

A lot of people think that psychology is deal with "crazy people", i even heard from the people around me said that only weird people will choose to study psychology! Some also said that people who studied psychology, all acted and look mysterious......There is alot of different perceptions toward psychology and counseling.

And seriously i don't mind what others said, because i know what is psychology actually about, and throughout this three years of studying this "weird" course, i do learned alot of things! I started to understand myself better, i started to have answer for the doubt that i used to keep in me.

And by involving myself in this profession, whenever i face problem i will only disclosed to someone who understand what is empathy all about. For me, psychology is something beautiful, i came to understand the human beings, i learned about the sincerity, empathy and alot of others things which i don't think I'm able to list out everything at here...:)

This world is a reality world where everyone will put on their best mask to deal with the people around them.I used to emphasize about this because i did see the sincerity that people is carrying around me...

And in the counseling session, when there is only a counselor and a client in a room. It seem like there is only the way to let people to put down their mask and showed their real self. Counseling and psychology is beautiful because we assists people in their life, we show sincerity and empathy whereby u can hardly find this two things exist in the real world when everyone is trying to show their best mask...

Love-Hatred-Money-Life (Part 4)

The worst thing that i had seen is this old lady whisper to the GOD while she is praying at home. FYI the whispering is kinda loud that u can hear it. It seem like there is a devil living in the house huh! I had heard that she whispered to the GOD to let my parents fall down and get badly injured so that they cant walk forever. Can u imagine that a mother is praying to the GOD to let her son and wife to get badly injured? (no "doughter in law" term for her because the old lady NEVER treats her as daughter in law, rather threat her as stranger or maid) That is a curse or spell?? A mother curse her own son and his wife...! What is this???

Dear GOD, can u hear her prayer? I believed that you know how to differentiate the good and the bad. I pray to u to protect everyone that i care and even for her healthy, but why end up with the curse that she put on for my parents? Heartache!! I know that it is a hard time for my parents to tolerate and be patient, i understand why my mum like to complaint so much once i got back to my hometown, and i understand all that. I felt heartache because of the old lady my parents can't have simple and happy life. I know that they should never give a damn on her. They understand this, but when it come to action it is very difficult to do so. Words are always easier than action...

Besides that, the curses of "YAO SHIU","PENDEK UMUR" can be heard all the time from this old lady. I'm sure that some people might think that im trying to humiliate or spread some rumour about this old lady, I"M NOT!!! I can swear to the GOD that i'm telling the truth, the truth that all of her childrens and grandchildren will never know because they rarely spend time with her. Did she ever think of my parents' feelings? Especially my dad which is her "son", he never experienced love from a mother...What he had from his so called "mother" is hatred and curses! No one will understand and believe this, ONLY GOD KNOW EVERYTHINGS!

No one can go against this old lady or else everyone will put the blame and criticize on us. Once you go against her, she will said that "Lu beranakan gua atau gua beranakan lu?" which mean that "I gave birth to u and u shouldn't go against me!!" It doesn't make sense! And since she was young she has this kind of attitude problem and i believed that people who carry this type of attitude can't success and survive in this society! And therefore she is living in her own world, a world that only consists of MONEY and DEVIL!!

I just wish that i can bring my parents stay away from thie devil and we manage to stay happily with the power of six!! The word "FAMILY " is containing of 6 characters which is the power of 6, that's all!!! Not more than that!!!

****************END****************

Love-Hatred-Money-Life (Part 3)

Not only the siblings look down on this "poor daddy", even his mother also did the same thing and teaches her childrens (his siblings) do not listne to the poor one, do not lend a hand to him, his children is like a slut, he is useless...!!! FYI, her other grandchildren stayed with their partner before married, and she keep giving compliment on them said that they are good and there is noting wrong or rumour for them! I still remeber that few years back when i was in a relationship and in the same time my cousin brother commited in a relationship too, and the critics started to begun. According to this old lady, I can't commit myself in a relationship and she even asked my mum to restrain me just becasue that particular guy is not educated. And when my mum asked her how about my cousin brother that involved in a relationship can do so, the answer given by her was so brilliant! The old lady said that "Eh...itu tak sama, dia ada sekolah universiti". I was like XXX!!! Can u see the bias?? (P/S: the romantic relationship was a history,LOL!)

But im glad that my parents let me and my sister decide for our future and i can see that my parents do pampered us sometome and trying to fulfill our needs, but the more my parents want to fulfill my needs, the more i will reject because i know that money is hard earn and i just can't simply spend my parents money. I apprecaite my parents and my sister so much, im proud of them! Although we are came from poor background, but i have been rewarded a lot of LOVE from them, i just pray that i will have more time to repay my parents *Cross my finger praying*.

I still remember there is once my dad felt down from his motorbike and there is once my dad lost his wallet, when we knew about this we was so worried about him. And this old lady laugh at my dad (I still remember it clearly!!!), she laugh when there is bad thing happen to my dad! She was so HAPPY to see my dad in trouble and can u imagine again, a mother is laughing at her son when aomething bad happend to her son. I rather my dad is an orphan, because it seem like there is no different to have or without a mother!

Once again, i feel proud of my dad and im glad that he is tough enough and pours as much love as possible for us. Although he don't show it in words, but he do showed it in actions. PAPA, I LOVE U SO MUCH!!! No matter how much effort he put on in being a good son to his mother, take care of her, hand over some money to her every month when he was single and working in Singapore...SHE WILL NEVER APPRECIATE AND LOVE HIM AS A SON! I don't understand why she is treated unfairly to her children, why she hates him...? If she choose to be so unfair to her children, why she want to gave birth for so many children? And she keep telling people that her husband is bad and even grandpa last breath she also didn't visit him, she just hate him! She used to sweared to us, she said that if she hate a person, after she died her spirit will go and harm that particular person! (OMG!!!, sound scary huh). Can u imagine a 80 plus years old granny make this kind of swear?? And i just wonder since she hate her husband since she was young, why she has so many children with him? Oh ya, during her time there is no any precaution huh!

Women carried a baby in the womb for 9 month and it is something wonderful and it is a hard time for a mother to go through the whole process. All of her 9 children was staying in the same womb before, but all of them have the different destiny! Perhaps this is fate, she just hates him for no reason since he was young! She just doesnt wish to see him...They have no connection between them....

Love-Hatred-Money-Life (Part 2)

My dad used to TEST his sisters several times, threw out a question "Can i borrow some money from you?" And the response is expected just like how we predict. The first question that they will concern will never about the reason of borrowing money, but the answer that given by them is "I DON'T HAVE MONEY!!!" That' s all from them!

Gotcha!! My parents NEVER ask money from anyone, NEVER borrow money from siblings when we have some difficulties in live. And when my dad threw out the question his sisters, that is just to test their sincerity and see how they response, and NEVER ever think to get any single cent from them! My parents believed that no matter how hard is our life , do not ever borrow money, and find our own way to solve it.

I still remember one of my uncle used to borrow some money from my dad many years ago and he told my dad not to tell my aunt, and i guess until now she still don't know about this. Although is not a big issue, and I'm not trying to say that my parents is generous. i believed that helping relatives or anyone when they need help is a helpful act and we learned this since we were young. Even the "moral" subject that we took during school time do taught us "Tolong-menolong" and some other moral which i don't think people will keep in mind and practicing it in the daily life.

Perhaps i should say that what we learn in school can't be apply in real life, because the real world is a realistic world. Perhaps the educational program need to make some NEW adjustment, no more moral subject but do teach the young generation about the reality/ the fact of the life. Let the new generation immediate adapt and learn about the fact rather than wasting time learning the subject, because most of the human beings NEVER keep in mind about the moral that they had learned.

Although my uncle used to borrow some money from my dad, but my dad will NEVER think to ask or borrow money from them in return. A question of "borrowing money" to test them already explain everything...Even the siblings also being selfish and tend to choose and twig with the one who carrying a lot of SUGAR.

Therefore i always told my parents that never give a damn to this kind of people. The power of four is always more than enough, and later it will increase to the power of six!!! :)

Love-Hatred-Money-Life (Part 1)

I had observed and came to understand some fact! If u are rich, u will have the power and freedom to speech, u can speech whatever you like to. But if u are poor, and the topic that u talk is same with the rich one, I'm sure that no one will ever believed and listen to you!

Furthermore, i came to understand most of the time people tend to respect a person based on how much $ that the person have. Rich people will always get the respect from others, but the poor one will always been teased. And one more thing i would like to emphasize is people will ONLY respect the rich people but not the elder if the elder is the poor one. There is no more consideration toward the elder, people will ONLY respect to the $$$ that u have. (This is the fact that happening in MOST OF THE FAMILIES!)

Let me elaborate more about this, and let me replace the term "$$", $$ can always relate with "SUGAR", while the people who like to stick with sugar is "ANTS". And for further understanding ONLY the rich one is consider as "SUGAR".

Let's begin the fact that i used to see since i was young!

Oh ya, why i don't have any term for the poor one? Hmm...i guess no need any term for them because they are poor and they have NOTHING, so i rather address them with the proper word. While the other two type of person i have some term for them is because I do respect them and therefore the words that i placed for them is not a harsh words, and besides "SUGAR" and "ANTS", i see nothing in them.

When there is a sugar around, the ants will be around too!

Some people are so particular in "respecting the elder", and i had been taught the word of "RESPECT" since i was young and practice it in daily life. But i came to know that nowadays there is no more such thing in this world, or perhaps i should said that i see no more respect in my families!

My parents always told me to respect the elderly, but how about the younger that suppose to respect my parents? Do they know the meaning of "RESPECT"? Do they know that they are the younger? Do they know that everyone needs to be respect? Do they...?

Slowly i came to understand people will ONLY respect the one who carried a lot of SUGAR, the more SUGAR that u have, the more RESPECT that u will gain! This is the fact that can't be deny!

Sometime, some people are so much concern about a person manner. I had been taught that "no matter u are rich or poor, we have to respect each other". But not much people practicing this, and nowadays the people are so realistic that, in their eyes there is ONLY SUGAR. "NO SUGAR NO FAMILIES!!" The word "FAMILIES" is strong related with "SUGAR"! IF U HAVE SUGAR, I'M UR FAMILIES! IF U HAVE NOTHING, I CAN TEASE AND DISRESPECT U! Although the "ANTS" wont said those harsh words in front of u, but they do showed it with ACTIONS! And actions mean everything...

Below is two type of conversation:
:
SUGAR: "Do u know that shit can be eaten?"
ANTS: "Yes! Yes! I'm totally agreed with u! I had heard xxx said.../ I had read this in xxx..." (Trying to find something to support the statement has been given by sugar)


Poor: "Do u know that shit can be eaten?"
ANTS: "WHAT??? Are u crazy? Shit can be eaten? Why not u go and try? BODOH!!!

Hahaha...sound interesting huh! What do u think? Same statement has been given, but the response is so different, and i guess we all know why it is different. Yea, is all because of $$, just like what i said earlier, the more SUGAR that u have, u can said whatever u like and the ANTS will definitely AGREE with u!!

Love your HEART

While I'm reading the email forwarded by a friend "A Chat with Dr. Devi Shetty (Heart Specialist)", it remind me of a patient.

I get to know this patient while i had my internship in Hospital Serdang, this patient is male and age around 3o years old. I have been doing the translation between the patient and the doctor because the patient do not understand English and the Cardiology clinic just a neighbour to the counseling department and i I'm the only Chinese was there. And the doctor can't speak Malay language, i guess he just came back from oversea. Hmm...another BANANA...hehe!

According to the doctor, the patient condition is severe, and the patient do not want to take any aspirin tablet due to the negative effect that he had. But the doctor insists him to continue to take the same medicine or else he has to undergo heart surgery, and there is no 100% for him to recover even though undergo the surgery. But the patient do not want any surgery and do not want to take the medicine, he would like to change for another type of medicine. But too bad, his condition is too severe already and he has to listen to doctor advice.

He had told me that he was a heavy smoker and alcoholic, and he end up with heart disease! He said he was so regret and he is still young but end up with that kind of disease...he looked sad and hopeless while he told me his condition, he even said he dun care what will going to happen to him, if the GOD want him to die, he can't do anything!

I felt empathy, and I'm wondering how is he now? Hope that he will recover soon but according to the doctor, the possibility for him to recover is really hard because his condition is severe. We always see the advertisement has advertise "Love our heart, if u do not want lost the person u love", but how many of us do care and aware of it? Most of the time we aware of the consequences that going to hit us from the bad habit that we practice in live, but we tend to ignore it and keep telling own selves"i won't be so unlucky!!!!" Can u predict that you're lucky enough??

I'm sure that if there is another chance for the patient, he will never let himself fall into the bad habit and now end up suffering from heart disease, that is not only physically suffered, it is also psychological suffered! Poor thing~

So LOVE YOUR HEART! We can't live without the heart!