Another sleepless night :(

Is 2.50am right now, and i still awake :( i tried to sleep but i couldn't get into sleep and im supposing to wake up at 7am in the morning later.

Im not feelings well just now bcos of the flu and i should rest more, but my mind is keep on appearing of alot of images which is kinda abstract and i dunno what is that. Flu is better ald, but im still not feelings well, i have breathing problem now :( and it seem like something is going wrong with my heart now, the beating is not consistent, i feel like my hand and finger is shaking...what happen to me??

I was so sleepy this afternoon during the workshop, but i cant get into sleep now :(

Wondering is it im having a serious pressure and that cause me insomnia and also some physically mentally disturbance?

Merry Christmas

HoHoHo~Christmas is coming!!!! The Christmas atmosphere is in the air and shopping mall had decorated unique theme for this lovely and peaceful Christmas :)

Beautiful Christmas tree, Christmas carols, and pressie...

I wish to visit all the shopping mall at here just to see the decoration and let myself be pampered in the atmosphere and the Christmas carols, but.... Last year i had decided to spend my Christmas in KL, but end up i will be in Malacca during Christmas due to some reason :(

Dear Santa, can u see that im hanging my socks in my room? Look carefully there is a note that i had written down inside the socks, and that is my wish for this Christmas. I never had any Christmas wish before, and this is the first time i make a Christmas wish...

Dear Santa, im waiting u to make my dream and wish come true...

-Untitle-

Since when i lost my smile, a smile that is truly come from my heart. I force myself to smile but deep in my heart there is a trouble and sadness. Im feel stressful on everything and the life... i dunno where should i go, and who can i rely on.

Im having my semester break now, but i dun feel any joy like i used to have before. I dunno where should i go for this holidays, i dun feel like going back Malacca and i dun feel like staying in KL as well! This is the first time i refuse to go back to my refuge, it was a place for me to hide and to protect me, but i dun feel safe in the refuge anymore, it had become unfamiliar to me. And here-PJ is not a place that belong to me...I wish to go somewhere else, a place that no one know me and unable to contact me~ i need to breath~

I started to realise alot of changes...and even myself...I feel tired! Where is the happiness? Where is the peace? Where is my smile??

No one will realise that im forcing myself to smile, no one will understand how i feel...

I started to feel alot of insecurities and stress! Im so scare... There is no place for me to hide, to hope for, and to rely on...Im alone...all by myself....

Rubbish

Last week i went back to Malacca for my study week, and while im doing revision, i saw "something" that displaying in my grandma antique cupboard, and i guess that things had been display for years.Im kinda surprise to see this thing which is still keeping in the cupboard. OMG!!! The next trip when i get back to Malacca i have to throw it away. The stars that i had folded and the short note that i had attached inside there, it seem like a crap to me! Hmm, i guess i was still young during that time and doing the rubbish thing! Haha...No more memories, no more stars, and no more as a friend!!!

And this bottle of sand which is content of the white sand and black sand that i had brought back from Pulau Langkawi last two years ago. All this while i love beach so much, i like to bare my feet walk on the smooth and soft sand. Wear thin outfit which can let the wind blow on my dress that will make me feel like an angel~And the waves from the ocean is dancing under my feet :) Island is always my favourite...the nature, the blues, the fish... Im started to recalled back those memories...i wish i never been to those places, and i keep on cheating to myself. But i knew that the memories is still keeping deep in my mind. I wish i have a "DELETE" button that can erase alot of things....but i only have this button on my key board, LOL!!!


And lastly this bottle of "xiang si dou" (seed of missing someone). That is the name of this reddish seeds, and i still figuring why people got the name for this seeds...?? Hmm, i had been keeping this seeds for more than two years i guess, and i still remember i collected it at somewhere around my house in PJ. I never collect so much of this seeds before, and i dunno the total amount of it. Im not collecting it for the sake of missing someone, just for fun! And to the person that collect this with me, thanks for the memories that u had given to me, but i still prefer that i never met u in my life!!!

Recently My Favourite Dishes

Recently i "fall in love" with this dishes, Tomato cooked with Onion! Hmm, i just love it~ the taste is abit sour, i guess because of the vinegar. p/s: cooked by juan :)

And also this, Pork cooked with "taupok". Yummy~ Mum purposely cooked for me and i guess i have to eat more pork and chicken to gain weight :)

-131208-

Yesterday i went to KLCC alone, and that was the first time i went there alone. At first i was afraid that i will lost, but luckily i still can recognise the way. There is a huge Christmas tress in the middle of the mall, damn tall and huge~:)

Actually i wanted to go Mid Valley but i heard that KLCC is having Pc Fair, so i changed my plan, by the way i never been to any Pc Fair that held in KL, so i had decided to go there. Just like what i expect, damn many people! Hmm, luckily im small size and able to squeeze with the crowd, hehe^^

After Pc Fair, actually i planned to go back home but still early so i went to Kinokuniya which is my favourite book store, actually i love all the book store in every mall. How i wish i have my own book store and placed it in my house, hmm...and i guess i need to have a BIG house, then make it like a library :) i had spent 2 hours sitting and read the three books that i had choose, "Women Men Love, Women Men Leave", "How to marry the man of your choice", "Men don't listen and women can't read maps". Opps, dun misunderstand and misjudge me by the title of the book especially the book "How to marry the man of your choice". Basically, the book didn't wrote about the strategy to get the man that you want, im interested with the content and not the title! And there is few sentences that i really attracted to:

-"Bitchy" women get the men, and women who give true unselfish love lose out.
-Don't waste your emotions on a man until you know he's worthy of you.
-Falling in love is not an endless stream of pleasant experiences.

Overall the book is talk about men! and there is still alot of sentences and articles that i like it, if i have RM150 i will buy all the three books, but i dun have RM150 with me, so forget about it je~

While ""Women Men Love, Women Men Leave", i agree with the sentences below:

-Women who felt neglected or unappreciated as children often showed love on a man in the hope that he will return it fully enough to erase their deep lingering sadness.
-We all justly expect support of our basic offer for security, partnership and affection.
-Keeping a relationship alive is an ongoing task. Men and women are equally responsible for what they do and what they fail to do.

Can u see the crowd from KLCC to Pc Fair, eventhu raining but still so many people. This photo is snapped from Kinokuniya :)

And this is my dinner, Laksa Nyonya Melaka. Actually i wanted to try other state laksa such as Laksa Johor, Laksa Sarawak....but at last i choosed Laksa Nyonya Melaka, im just curious about the taste. Not bad la...Rating 3/5

S.M.A.R.T.E.R goals

To create a SMARTER goals, u have to be Specific, Motivational, Actionable, Result-oriented, Time-bound, Ecology & Reasons.

You can achieve ur goal by make sure the goal u're working is something you really want, not just something that sound good! Some people will have imagination and tend to beautification the goal, but is that what they want to achieve??

To reach the goal, the first step is to specific what u want! I do specific on my goal, but somehow i neglected certain point...and until today i just realised that i had missed out the most important point, and can i go back to the very first step again??

I'm praying hard to resend the signal to the universe again so that i can get what i want, and will the miracle happen again?? Oh no!!! I cant have negative thought/emotion/feelings...or else the law of attraction wont work~Be strong and keep holding my positive thought and the universe will hear me :) I do experienced of this miracles before and i should continually believe it...

Hey universe, can u see what i want, can u hear that im whispering to u all my goals??

Smiley Moon

It happened on Monday 011208, Kuanru sms me and asked me to looked up on the sky, but too bad i see nothing from my balcony and the sky seem like reddish! I missed the smiley face on the sky :( but i got this pic from Erica, Thx ya!

I like this pic, the stars and the moon...it seem like so perfect~the smiley face on the sky...it look sweet and romantic :) People said that phenomena is the "chang-er" is smiling!!!! Hmm, i guess she met her lover up there~ Their love story is kinda sad, they separated apart...the distanced, the feelings of missing someone, and when u noe that u will never see the person again, it is really torturing!

I have a strange feelings since yesterday, and i noe im not suppose to have this kind of feelings...but somehow it keep playing in my mind! I guess the conflict wasn't solved yet, or i just thinking too much? I noe that it is non of my business, and that is nothing to do with me, but why i have this weird feelings? I dunwan to noe so much about it, and thx to someone kindness of telling me that, i do appreciate it but im much appreciate it if u keep that away from me, cos i rily dunwan to noe about it anymore!!! THANK YOU!!

I like the stars on the sky, and i guess im influenced by Erica...The stars will always on the sky and will never leave no matter how...For a long time i did not look at the stars in the sky.~When u'r busy with the daily life, please spend some time to look up on the sky and u will find that the nature beauty is on top of u, and the stars is shining on u~

Will u be my star that shine for me and stay with me forever?

The unfamiliar L-Word

Started to feel hopeless and helpless again~it seem like nothing in front there, there is nothing! The strong hope and believe that used to have seem like faded away...it left nothing. Where is the enjoyment that suppose to have?

i worries...i care...i hope...

and i just found that all these are just a superfluous! Im started to feel disappointed on it and the bad though is keep influencing my mind...it is so heartache to see that u dun work hard for a better understanding, improvement and changes... and just give up., unless u dun care about my existence in ur life. I really dunwan the same things happen again... I started to feel unfamiliar of everything...

I love u and therefore i want an improvement in the relationship...
I care about u and therefore im telling u how i feel...
I want eternity between us and therefore i work hard for it...
I hope the best for us and therefore i complaints and i want a better changes in life...
I need securities...

I dunwan stuck in the same circle again and again...

This is Life

My back is PAIN!!!! is damn painful!!! Yesterday Li ru send me to Mid Valley ktm station after the workshop, and u noe what, i had waited the STUPID ktm for almost two hours, summo i had missed two train bcos it was too packed till i dint managed to PUSH myself into the train!!! And after the third train came, i keep pushing myself to enter the ktm, it was so packed and i almost fainted inside there. HUNGRY+HEAVY BAG!!!! i almost give up my plan cos my back is really pain till i duno how to describe it...and i hate squeezing with so many PIGs!!!

Still Pain T.T

So those ppl who are driving and have their own vehicle, PLEASE DO NOT COMPLAINT SO MUCH!!! At least u r much more better than others, k? At least u r sitting in the car or motor bike. And for those is driving a car, at least u got air con and music accompany u all the way from work place to ur home. Althu the journey might be jammed, but at least u r not squeezing with others to get a place to STAND in the public transports! And not only that, while waiting for the public transport, those ppl have to STAND AND WAIT...and i can said that it is all the way standing from the place that u started to wait for ur public transport until ur destination!! And therefore those who have own vehicle please pity of others and do not complaint so much,k? Cos u'r much more fortunate than others...be grateful and appreciate what u have~

After attending the workshop, i realise alot of things! And i want CHANGES!!! I dunwan the same things happen all over again and i want improvement in my life and i want a bright future!!! I dunwan just sitting there and wasting my life and waiting the time to pass by doing nonsense things! Time would not wait for everyone, and opportunity will never wait for anyone as well! It is true that human will never satisfy, no matter how much do they earn, they will ASK FOR MORE!! And the more u earn, the more u will spend...and at last end up with ZERO~without any saving and assets! I dunwan this kind of life! Sometime people aware of this crisis, but too bad human are rebellious, they are aware but doesn't mean that they will take action. I believed that if u aware but u never take any action and that is zero in ur awareness!!!

There is alot of definition of smart people, some smart people they will grab the opportunities and act when they are aware. But some smart people they only know how to talk and never take any action, and that is really smart huh! And nowadays this world is realistic, money is everything! Who dun like money? I'm not saying im blindly and become realistic about money, but that is the truth that i had seen and experienced! money is always the issue, and sometime some people will calculate even one cent, and we are dealing with money everyday! The money that u spend for food, transportation, rental...that is only the basic things that some people have to spend for, and it is not included the entertainment expenses. And it is fortunate for certain people who is still staying with family and that rily save alot of their money but are you going to do this until forever and ignore the future?

Most of the time, we tend to said "we r still young, there is alot of time for us to do certain things...no need to worry about it first, everything will be fine..." And days by days, years by years delaying, at last u will realise that it is too late for everything ald, and when u keep saying that u will do it tommorrow, and your tommorow will never come. Please be aware and everything that other remind u is for ur own good and this is not a controlling intention, and please do not misunderstand it!

Most of the time, human fail to unlearn! They tend to said "i eat salt more than u eat rice", and they will stop u before u inform them about certain information. I guess human are inborn with such minded~wondering~Sometime it is good to keep quiet and absorb more information and unlearn of certain things, it is no harm to keep ur mouth shut up and just listen, instead of arguing about the knowledge. Perhaps some people are too ego and stubborn, they think they are correct most of the time.

hmm, i guess i stop here, is lunch time ^^ oh ya, there is no offend in my blog ya! Have a nice day ^^

Mickey Mouse MP3

Mickey Mouse MP3
1G-RM75
2G-RM95it come with the BOX ^^
message me if u r interested^^

How much do you know about this girl?

Do u think the next morning she will be ok?
Do u think that she will forget about it after a night?
Do u think that she will ignore what had happened?
Do u think that she is still a 6 years old child that being kicked out by her father?
Do u think that she is a happy go lucky girl?
Do u think that she is living without any worries?
Do u know that since she was young she had anxiety and depression?
Do u know that she had alot of phobia?
Do u know that she dunwan the same history happened again?
Do u know that most of the time she feel insecure?
Do u know the impact that you had given to her?
Do u know how she feel?
Do u know behind her smile, her heart is bleeding?

How much do u know about her actually?

DEVIL

The devil had came out, and he had conflict with the angel. I prefer to describe the devil as HE, and the angel as SHE~sorry this is not bias, just that when i mention the devil i see the gender! And this is definitely nothing to do with the gender bias.

He had hiding since the last time he appeared, and today he appear again and the angel was so afraid of him! He had controlled the angel, he do what he want, he said what he want...and the worst is he had influenced the angel and forcing her to go away!!!

Oh devil, please leave her alone! Please do not disturb her, and she is happily with her master now...

I see the red eyes is staring on her, the spells that he put on...The devil wanna eliminate the angel, he want to control everything!!!

It is so Fxxx-ing annoying!!!! Hey devil, you're not welcome to this world, can u hear me??? And you're not suppose to destroy the angel!!!! CAN U HEAR ME????

Insecurities

According to Psychopathology Approach, adolescents with internalizing and externalizing patterns in elementary school years were likely to form a similar problems such as anxiety and depression at age 21. Hmm... yes it it true! And that really answer part of my doubt about myself! I believed that our certain thoughts and emotions is more or less cause by the early experienced and therefore it will influenced the current thoughts and emotions. And by understand this theory, i had come to understand better about myself and others :)

According to Alan Sroufe and his colleagues, have found that anxiety problems in adolescence are linked with insecure resistant attachment in infancy whereby sometimes the infant clings to the caregiver, at other times pushes away from closeness. This reminds me of my childhood memories again, my mum had told me that i used to played with my neighbour and stick with them all the time. And whenever they wanna go back home, i cried like hell!! I used to stay beside with my family since i was young and never separated before, i guess that's make me rely and dependent on my family alot, until i came to KL and study, and that was my first time separated from my family. And now i ald used to it this kind of life, just that i feel insecure most of the time....

I guess i started to form this kind of bad feelings when i committed to a relationship...this feelings hunted me till now and i would never overcome it. I feel insecure, im afraid, i worried...When i started to clings on a person, that person walked away from my life...and he left the "insecure" for me, and it seem like the insecure is following me whenever i go~

Perhaps feelings of insecurity is human trait, i believed it do exist in everyone. It is easier to see some peoples insecurities because the situation they go through cause the insecurities to manifest, while other might hide their insecurities deep down. Sometimes we don't even realise that it until we're placed in a situation and we react.

Stress Free?? My childhood memories~

Yesterday our presentation topic was "Adolescent Emotional Development". During the presentation Jamie had presented the argument part and im not rily agree with the argument actually, LOL! Because acording to Anna Freud, adolescent who act normal during the adolescent period and puberty period is not normal, in the other word is "abnormal". And the argument also stated that the article is too negative, and she is handling argument part so she has the right not to agree with the article. And surprisingly when she asks our tutor and our tutorial mate do they feel stress during that period, all of them said that "STRESS-FREE"!!!


And i was like "OMG"!!! u all are so fortunate man!!! For my information, i was having the hard time during adolescent, is not all the time is stressful but i did faced stress!!! And i guess everyone is different, and if according to Anna Freud im consider as normal, and those ppl who said that they are stress free are actually abnormal???


I still remeber that my adolescent period was full with depression and anxiety! And even now these two friends tend to come and visit me whenever they want! It exists in my life since i was young, and these two terms is so familiar to me! I started to observed alot of things in my life since i was in primary school, i dont really have sweet memory and strong friendship during primary school time. Im quiet person, i go to school alone, i study alone, i enjoy my break time alone, and most of the time im alone... i dont have alot of friends around me, and peopeople tend to verbally bully me! And i never give any feedback and just remain silent...Poor me! Teachers teased me, classmate laughed at me, canteen worker teased me too!!! And my only friends are my sister and neighbours (Mei Lian & Cheng Yen). Hmm...i missed those time and i miss them~


While my secondary period i started to mix with others...during that period, it is believed that adolescent tend to have mood swings and according to G. Stanley (if im not mistaken, cos lazy wana refer my note), this is the period of "Storm & Stress". The mood, the emotions is easily up and down...I started to become sensitive on friendship; i care and put them as my priority. I changed my mood easily and rapidly bcos of friends, i try to disobey and detached from parents...And usually adolescents will have these kind of symptom during their development. Most of the adolescents tend to become rebellious during this period.

Yes! my emotion was easily up and down, and there is a period whereby im totally passive in everything, i dont talk to anyone even my family, i hide myself, i dont joined my friends, i remain silent most of the time and live in my own world. I still remeber there is one day after class, i walked back and my friend also using the samw way to go back and she shouted my name, i guess she want me wait for her and walked back home together, but i turn my head see her and i never gave her any response, i just continue walked! Most of the people tend to think that im acting cool, and a weird person. Hmm, and most of the people who dunno me definately will think this way, and i will never explained to others y i behave in such way and who am i. Only those people who after all close with me will find that actually im not like that kind of person like what they think before! And i can say that i only have one friend which is truly understand the real me... i used to jot down all my feelings on papers when i was in secondary school, i burn some of the note that i had jot down bcos i believed that it wil burn away all my unhappiness. i used to care so much about friendship, and i was so afraid that the friendship will faded away...and in the long run, it cause me to have anxiety!

I had gone through all this, and even now these two friends (depression & anxiety) still with me, but at least i manage to overcome it and i had understood the reason behind it. Perhaps it is the advantage of learning psychology :) yet, sometime i also allow myself to "enjoy" the depress moment, it sound weird but this is me!! There is alot of hard time i had gone thru and it rily make me learned and see things with different angle.

I started to believed my 6th sense since i was young, and i never tell anyone about it cos i afraid they will said that im insane! I dunno that "power" is 6th sense, i just knew that it is something special that i dunno how to explained. I started to believed in nature since i was in primary school, and there is a story that sound childish that happened to me. Since i was small, my study abilty is consider as not that "excellent", and i never get into top 10 in class before. But somehow when i was in primary 4, i managed to get into top 3!!! That was the first time i get such a good result and the worst thing is even my dad also dun believed it and just ignore me when i told him about the good news! I never blame him cos even myself also cant believed it, and there is a question in my head during that time. I never had any confident and hope in scoring a good mark. In my memories, i never work SUPER hard for the exam i guess, and everything was so normal in my study, but why i can score so well??? PLEASE im not showing off here, just that i still wondering is it a coincident? I was so blur that time and it seem like a dream for me...

The question still in my head till now! And the real story begin from here...i was satying at "runah papan" and behind my house is a huge empty land. My parents make full use of the land by planting alot of different kind of vegetables, and every evening my dad will water all the plants. There is one day i take over my dad duties throughout the year, i water all the plants every evening and it me few hours to complete watering the plants. The land was so big and im using the most typical way to water it by carried the water bucket by bucket and between my hse and the empty there is one ditch and i have to cross over the ditch back and forth for several times. And can u imagine my size with the bucket of water for the whole land?? When i think back, im kinda pity myself...But im ok with it, and i get used to it after all.

And i only carried that duty when i was in primary 4, and the question is here. Why i score so well in primary 4 and with my duties to water the plants, is there any relationship between this two variables?? "m still doubt about it, and the nature...is there any relationship betwwen these three?? DOUBT~Because i water the plants and therefore i score so well and all this while i result was in the bottom and why only that year my result was in top 3??? And i NEVER put any special effort on that year, i swear!!!

It remind me alot of my childhood memories...i still remeber that i started to do hsework when i was in primary 2, mum had trained me and my sister to be responsible on our own stuff, we learned to washed school shoes, iron school uniform, sweep and mop the floor...Thanks to my mum that teached us all these and i like this kind of parenting style:)
me and my sis will actually take turn to washed the school shoes and iron the school uniform, and sometime when we get lazy we will throw all the duties to either one of us to complete it.And i still remeber that the iron that i used is the one typical type which is heavy type and there is few time i get injured by the iron bcos it is too heavy for me, and i was skinny and small size during that time! ( & even now im still skinny). And everytime after finished iron schook uniform, i will drag more clothes to iron & it seem like i was addicted to iron clothes~and after satisfied with ironing, my hand was like going to broken into pieces, tired~ and that is my lesson on learning how to iron clothes:)

I was attended to noon class during my first three years in primary school due to lack of classes, EVERYDAY before go to schook i will sweep and mop the floor (sound like very hardworking huh! but is true), and when i changed to morning class, the first thing i will do after i woke up is boiled water for breakfast, it was like a routine for me :)

Most of the young people now especially from urban are are too pampered and too dependent on the parents and maid. They dun even have to do all the hsework for their entire of life!!! and everything will be done and settle by the parents or the maid, how fortunate r theyhuh!!! But, im glad that i had learned all these at my young age and furthermore doing hsework is part of my HOBBIES!!! :) It is so pathetic to see those people that duno how to do the basic hsework, and not only that, they used to be very bossy and keep on complaining! Although my parents is not educated, but they know how to guide and educate their children, and althu we r not from the rich family background, and we had gone thru alot of hardest time but im rily proud of my dearest parents! Thanks for everything that they had teached me and my sis, and the limitless love that they had given. I LOVE U PA& MA~

Dior Mascara VS Recycle Campaign

Today i heard my coursemate Serene said that, "Jaya One got Free Dior mascara"!!! I was so excited grab Jamie and KuanRu go with me, we walked from PC block to Jaya One just to try the new mascara and the get the free gift~The mascara was so cool, hmm... my eyeslashes rily look curl without eyeslashes curler!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!! And one more thing, the make up artist is pretty, she is cool and i like her boy cut hairstyle :)

I guess i have to replace the Loreal mascara da...haa! DIORSHOW ICONIC mascara is my next target...

After rushing to Jaya One, finally we back to Utar again to get the goodie bag, duh...Jamie said today we walked alot huh! Rush here and there for "free" stuff! Gals mar... We had attend a campaign which is organized by PR student, the title of the campaign is RECYCLE! The entrance is decorated with this huge wreath, nice hor...look like wedding wreath.

COME CLOSER
Nice rite?? hmm, i love FLOWERS!!!
Mr. Lam, pandai-pandai la...LOL!!!

And this "Creature", he look cute rite? This is my first time took pic with so called "Creature", all this while i rily afraid of this thing. hmm, since i was small i never feel excited to see this kind of things bcos for me it rily look scary and i will never get near to it! But today i took pic with this thing, im sure KuanRu will "cheh" on me again~~when i first enter PC203 and i saw this thing, i told myself dun get near to it and hopefully it wont come near to me...But at last...hye...How i noewor, it memang look cute mar...u see the nose look like the mouth, and if u see him from his left side face u will definately never notice his mouth is at the right side, and i though he got a sad face, but at last i had found that he has a smiley face!!! i wore formal bcos today got presentation, phew... over d~ i was nervous ok!!!

Meanwhile, there is a local artist been invited to the campaign~DANNY! He is damn small size, i mean the body size k! He look like a kid and i just wondering how old is him...hehe! Hmm, some girls are so crazy about him, but too bad not me! Anywasy his new song is nice, i like the slow song~All The Best To Danny^^

"im here-im here"

"im here-im here"!! Hmm, That is what u told me last nite after u scared me so badly! i admit that im "small pile" (timid), ok? So if u dunwan to see me cried again, please do not scared me anymore...~ LOL! Hey sweet heart, i feel warm when u said that words to me, cover me with blanket, hug me tighly and comfort me~ i love being hug by u, ur fat fat chest really make me addicted to hug u~ i feel like im your baby, perhap is your BIG baby :)last but not least, i love u darling! Now & Forever :)

Hi, I'm back!!

Opps!! I just realise that my last post was in June, ish (Ru,2008) lamanya... Well, those articles related to my internship, and at last it was over! I had gone thru the hardest time i guess, and only someone know what had happened during that period, haha! Cant believed it huh...i mean i really cant beleived it...

My short semester is going to finish da...cepatnya...just a blink, 7 weeks ald passed! And u noe what, i just left one semester before i graduate~and my three years course will be going to finish soon! And for sure i know i will be missing my buddy alot!

They are wonderful friends to me, especially my cute sister! Perhap i should thanks to her parents cos let her fulfill her dream at utar and give birth to her,LOL! Or else i wont met a such caring friend like her~and we are from stranger become best friend :) And to my male guys buddy, you guys make fun alot! It really cheer me up most of the time...HAHA!!!

Someone found you!!!

Yesterday (120608) i felt so touch by someone, someone who i never ever expect he knew what im hiding actually. And i drop my tear which i don't know why out of sudden i can drop my tears...is not because i was sad, i guess the reason is he see through my real me. i could not control my tear and it just happen naturally where i feel surprise too!

I feel secure whenever i see them, he and she is just like an angel...i used to take psychological test but i never so into the result, but the test that i took last few day i was so into the result which it is so accurate and it really reflect everything about me. I really felt so touch and it seem like no one ever know who is real me, but psychologist know everything about me, and i can proudly say that psychology is a beautiful thing ever in this world~

Since yesterday i keep thinking of my real side of me, and someone found her...she has been hiding for so many years, and at last she was found by others...it was a miracle!! Poor thing...you have been neglected and all this while you are just hiding in a dark cave...no one notice your existence, no one truly understand you, no one allow you to do whatever you want....no one... although you have been found, yet you still have to stay in the dark cave forever~ But at least there is people who notice you... BE STRONG!!!

060608

Yesterday suppose to jot down this but I got no time to do so, never mind today I made the summary of today and yesterday. I talked to Mr. Sin, and I learn a lot and gain a lot from him, he gave me Existential-Humanistic Therapy and Corey Integrative Therapy video. I appreciate what he told me, and so precious to have a counselor to tell me all the information as well appreciates to Miss Rachel.

Today I went to Pusat Pentadbiran to do some work, and I talked to Dilah. She is Rachel’s patient and I asked is it she is the one yesterday called to find Rachel and she said yes, but she said is not yesterday. This is not my main concern here, just that I met Rachel’s patient and she told me her problem which is she have memory problem. And when I get back to the office I asked Rachel about her condition, and she told me Dilah memory loss situation. And this came in my mind, somehow there is a lot peoples out there who don’t look like having any psychological problems, but they do!

I was so excited to explore more about this things, somehow counseling is really helpful and it bring hope to those peoples who could not solve their problem. And in the same time I learn something as well, I’m glad that I really learn something from Mr. Sin and Rachel.

Yesterday there is a patient from Kelantan came to seek for counseling; he is only 21^st years old. And before that the doctor that refer him to counseling said that this patient had kidney problem, I happen to met him outside the office and when I see him somehow I got a heartache feeling, because he is so young and he had kidney problem. It reminds me of “yee po”, and when I imagine the life that a patient need to go through of their life with kidney problem, I’m so fear of it! I pity him! But just now I asked Rachel about this patient problem, and she said that his illness is just a beginning and not so serious actually and this is not lead to his anxiety or stress. His main problem is came from work place, oh…thanks God! I just hope that there is no much people to seek counseling, not because I’m lazy, is because that I don’t want to see so many people suffer and have to attend a counseling. If there is not much people seek for counseling that mean that all the people are mentally healthy, hehe :)

4th of June

Everything was fine today, and im glad that everything going smoothly which is out of my expectation. Yet i still feel tired, i wish to sleep till NOON!!!

Today i online searching for some picture and i found this picture, RELAX- it will all be over soon!!! Kinda interesting!! Yes it will over soon and will be very soon!!!

Today while im waiting for KTM, i think alot...somehow i just don't wish this kind of feelings will occur in me! But it does! And seriously i don't know what to do... im confuse again! I...feel...helpless...hmm, should i think that way or should't ? Perhap it might be a fact, perhap...

I feel so hard!! (it is nth to do with my job actually)

Second day

Today is my second day of IA, i was so nervous!! Yes im still nervous althu is ald second day. I even nervous till i can't sleep well on the day before today, and im so TIRED!!! At least i learn something today, but i really feel stress when the counselor told me what task should i do...STRESS!!!

I hate the food at cafeteria in the hospital, u noe why? Because it is so expensive which i only ate a plate of rice with only vegetable and it cost so expensive!! How can i order for more dishes huh?? u wana kill me is it?? But thz God, i got home-cook for my dinner! Oh... thz alot my dearest roomie!! They cook dinner for me, and it is good to eat at home :) muaks!

I know i cant give up easily! I will learn sth from there and is time for me to change! But please dun push me, give me some time to adjust myself, or else i will fall down!! THINK POSITIVELY & MOVE ON!!!

Last but no least, I MISS DANIEL so much!!!! wish u were here :(

Tired

Today is my first day of attachment, and seriously i really feel tired althu it just the first day! The worst thing is i had been sitting inside the counseling room for the whole day doing nothing except, reading book, listening to song ( but that one just a while). And also "fishing", yeah! is FISHING!!!
Damn bored!!!

Tomorrow will be a nice day for me? Er... i hope so... i cant wait to handle a patient, at least is a new tried for me. But i dunno that the counselor allow me to do all this kind of job or not...

Er...i hate to take a crowded public transport la~ have to wait for the bus, the ktm and also lrt. Im so tired of it, really tired!! So headache!!!

I miss someone so badly!!!! I wana hug him all day long!!!!

Hey Hey!!!

Wuhuh!! This is my another blog!! Seriously i still not really know how to do the setting in blogspot, but is OK i will try ma best!!

I came to Spore for one week ald, OMG!!! Time had pass so fast, one week ald leh!! Duh... came here with mama and huea, but tomorrow i will be going back mlk alone, all by myself~ yeah, my first time going back Malacca from spore alone! Er...i guess i will be alright, cos im BIG gal ald la...

Well, i cant wait to see my darling!! it had been one week i dint hear his voice ald, and seriously I MISS HIM so much!!! Dear, I'm coming back tomorrow, wait for me!!!

I realise some changes while im in spore, a changes which i don't know whether it is a good or a bad changes, hmm... DT, please dun argue with her la! and AD please don't nag him la!! Haiyo~~

Well, i went to Vivo City yesterday and from there i can see Sentosa just opposite Vivo City!! Oh my, i never been to Sentosa!!! i came to Spore for so many times which i don't know how to count it with my ten fingers....and i NEVER been to Sentosa yet!!! Shit!!! Sentosa, please wait for me, i will go to visit u one day!!!!! just be patient,k? (i'm telling myself)

BIG sale in spore!!! But i didn't buy anything!!! cos i dun hv $$$$. Hey, give me some of your money now!!!!! Oh poor juan....

Oh ya, in the same time i felt disappointed as well. Hmm... Dun really wana talk about it! Just that it really make me disappointed and i just hate that feelings!!!! I don't know should i or shouldn't i?? Arrrrrrrrrr, you won't understand my feelings!!!!!!!!!! :(

Good Night :)